It doesn't have to be that way. With a little pre-planning, common sense, sensitivity, and flexibility, you can convert the otherwise dreaded homework experience into a positive and fruitful one for both you and your child. Here are some tips that have worked in our household.

The atmosphere in which a child studies should be learning friendly. If your daughter is doing homework in a room where music is blaring, a toddler is whining, and siblings are engaged in a wrestling match, don't blame her if she can't tune out the distractions. Intermittent interruptions in an otherwise quiet room ("Can I roller blade over to my friend's house, he's only twenty-five blocks away?" Or "I can't find my baseball mitt, I'm sure Shimon took it!") may also distract her. Your goal is to find a room without distractions. However, this is often impossible, especially in a home with a large family. Still, you should be able to minimize the distractions in at least one room. In my home, we have a "communal homework room" for the kids (we have eight in total) who are engaged in "serious" study and can do their homework without help.

Focus on your kids one at a time. When you are assisting one of your children, make it clear to the others that you are not available except in an emergency. Assure them that you will address their concerns later in the evening. An added benefit: this approach teaches patience and consideration for others.

Focus on your kids one at a time. When you are assisting one child, tell the others that you are not available except in an emergency.

Now that you've created the proper environment, work on attitude. The right attitude sets the appropriate tone for learning, and is important for your child's progress.

Attitude is reflected in how your kids view their teachers. Most contemporary educators and psychologists advocate acknowledging children's feelings. Nonetheless, you should not permit your child to assess a teacher according to his whims ("My rebbe is completely crazy. How can he assign all these pesukim to be done in one night?!" or "What a stupid homework assignment; I'll be up all night finishing it!"). You have to walk a fine line here, and the keys are empathy and encouragement. You may agree that the assignment is a challenging one, and you can validate your child's feelings in this regard. But also let him know that you have confidence in his ability to complete it. Be careful not to validate his disrespectful attitude towards his rebbe or teacher.

Promote a "can do" attitude, and present homework as a value. Encouraging careful review should be your goal, rather than fostering a "let's get this over with so we can play" philosophy. How your child views homework will impact how he approaches work as an adult, so let's get his attitude right.

Raising a child's self-esteem is a good technique for reversing a negative approach. Tell her how impressed you are by her learning skills. If she is having trouble understanding Rashi, remind her how well she understood Rashi the previous day, and assure her that she can do it again.

While the right atmosphere, sincere encouragement, and a positive attitude all contribute to getting your kids to do homework properly, some children need extra incentives to really take to the task. Don't be afraid to resort to these. You may say, "If you copy these words over very neatly, I'll give you an extra half-hour outside." Or: "If you do three extra math problems, you can borrow your brother's remote control car." (Check with the brother first!)

At times, a child needs an energy boost when doing homework. This is the moment when you have to resort to "study aids" — edible ones. These snacks come in two types: the noshy kind, including potato chips, corn chips, cookies, and ice cream; and the healthy variety — carrots, celery sticks, and the like. (A note of caution: it is advisable for you to avoid sharing the first type of aid, or you will find, as I did, that after a winter of successful study sessions you have put on fifteen pounds.)

When doling out snacks, use common sense. Enormous quantities will not give your child a clear head, but an aching stomach. Also, some children become hyperactive after eating heavily sugared foods. (It is difficult to concentrate on schoolwork when he or she is running around the room like a kangaroo.) On the whole, edible study aids, when doled out with prudence, help get a child through tough study assignments and transform plodding work into a more pleasant pastime.

When shortening an assignment, speak of the teacher with respect. Never say, "One-hundred words! This teacher is crazy!" – even if you think it's true.

For the fidgety child, study aids will not always work. If during homework your child is sitting on the edge of his chair, one eye looking out the window at the ball game going on across the street, then you must employ a different tactic. Breaking up his homework with an interval of play is a good choice. If the child knows that after spelling a predetermined number of words he can play ball or call a friend, he will not be as restless. Upon returning to continue his homework, he will be refreshed and in a more studious frame of mind. Often an ambitious or well-meaning teacher assigns homework that is above grade level. Or it may be too time-consuming and tedious for your child to complete. (A common, well-founded complaint among parents is that teachers give too much homework.) Don't be afraid to cut the assignment down. For example, twenty-five words to be memorized can be reduced to twelve. Send a polite note to the teacher in which you explain how your son did his best and that he will complete the assignment the following evening.

Remember when shortening an assignment to speak of the teacher with respect. Never say, "One-hundred words! This teacher is crazy!" — even if in your heart of hearts you believe it to be true.

Today more so than in our grandparents' time, Jewish mothers and fathers are highly educated in both religious and secular disciplines. In a majority of cases, parents are qualified to assist in the education of their sons and daughters. It is therefore reasonable for teachers to expect you to take an active role in your child's education. Yes, there are times when you will feel tired and worn by the experience. When this happens, consider the legacy you are bequeathing your child. You are passing your knowledge, along with your experience, to the next generation.

And from a practical point of view, think of the hundreds of dollars you are saving on tutoring.

Suzanne Zipper makes her home in Flushing, NY. She enjoyed assigning homework in her days as a college instructor of English.