You called weeks in advance to reserve me as a baby-sitter for a wedding you were planning to attend. Knowing that you were best friends of the Kallah, I canceled my plans for the evening to help you out. I knew how important it was for you to be there. I also knew you would feel more confident leaving the children with me. I love the children dearly and know that they are fond of me as well.

   I left school earlier than usual that day so I would be ready on time. I purchased a few goodies on the way home so that the children would be distracted while you prepared to leave. I showered, changed into something comfortable, had a quick sandwich, and was ready to go.

   Imagine my disappointment when the scheduled time arrived and you never came to pick me up. I waited for quite a while before calling to find out if there was a problem. You then informed me that your husband had been detained at work. You would be going to the wedding much later than planned.

   Why hadn't you taken just a moment to call and let me know of the delay? Perhaps, I could have done a few things around the house. I might have helped my mother wash the dishes or fold some laundry. Perhaps I could even have started on my homework assignment. Instead, I sat with my coat on for almost forty-five minutes waiting for your car to appear in the driveway. I was really disappointed that you had not taken the time to callŠ

   A good baby-sitter is hard to find. If you are lucky enough to find one, it's certainly worth the effort to keep her happy. Sometimes this means paying a little extra, buying an occasional gift, or just saying thank-you with a smile. Compliment the sitter on a job well done and let her know that you are pleased with her services. This will almost guarantee that she'll come back when you need her again.

   When asked to name their biggest baby-sitting gripe, a group of teenagers I questioned almost unanimously agreed on one matter: When the job is done, they want to be paid. Many teenagers count on baby-sitting money for their day-to-day expenses. In most cases, this is their only source of income. More important than the amount they receive for baby-sitting is the promptness in which they are compensated for their services.

   There will be occasions when parents must go out and don't have the cash available to pay immediately. If this is the case, politely inform the sitter before you leave and ask if it's okay. Then, when the appointed time arrives, make sure to pay your debt. Many sitters feel uncomfortable about calling to collect the money owed them. They are often embarrassed to ask, in case the parent still doesn't have it. Or, they don't want to sound over-anxious. So they waitŠand waitŠand wait. In the end, either the parent forgets that he or she never paid, or insists that since so much time has elapsed, surely it must have been paid already. In the end the parents are the losers, because the sitters are reluctant to work for them again.

   Parents often pay their sitters only for the amount of time they are away from home. Baby-sitters, however, rightfully believe that payment should be made from the time they are reserved to come. If they arrive and it takes the parents half an hour before they depart, the sitter often feels underpaid.

   The Torah teaches us never to hold back the wages of a salaried worker. There are many halachos regarding the above. Perhaps it is time for parents to realize that the same laws that apply to adults in the business world, apply to their baby-sitters as well.

   Having been at both ends of the spectrum, I've come to understand the situation from all perspectives. When the children were younger, we often hired sitters so we could have time out for ourselves. During those times I viewed everything through the eyes of a parent. Now that my youngest herself is of baby-sitting age, I see things from the outlook of the baby-sitter.

   Parents have a list of priorities and expectation‹and rightfully so. Baby-sitters, however, have a right to expect certain things as well.

   How many times have you heard the following scenario?

   A baby-sitter is called to take care of a few preschoolers. When she arrives, the sitter is informed that a friend will also be dropping off a couple of children. What can she say? How can she refuse? After all, it just wouldn't be polite. So she agrees, although somewhat reluctantly. Will she manage all these children on her own? She will certainly try her best. Besides, she can definitely use the extra spending money. However, instead of rewarding with her with the extra cash she eagerly anticipates, the two mothers ultimately split the cost of the sitter and get themselves a great bargain. Or do they?

   One baby-sitter said she'd never go back there againŠ

   When I hear the response, "I'm so sorry but I'm busy tonight," I often wish I could have a talk with the offending parents and explain it like it is.

   When our children were younger, our first priority was to find someone they enjoyed staying with. Rather than having them be upset by our departure, they often would beg us to go out so their favorite sitter could come over for a while. This made our time away from home a very pleasant one.

   'I spent all day preparing to attend my best friend's wedding. I called you weeks in advance just to be certain you'd be available and that no one else would call you first to reserve the date.

   I called you again just a couple of days ago to remind you of the time and date, and you assured me that everything was set.

   Imagine how I felt when the scheduled time arrived and you did not show up. My husband and I were all dressed and ready to leave when you called to cancel. Even if you had called in the morning, we might have tried to find another sitter, but by calling me at the last minute we were in a great bind. We would never be able to find a sitter that would come immediately. Remember, this was my best friend's wedding. We were practically like sisters. We grew up in the same town, attended the same school, had the same friends, and shared everything' even confidential stories about all our Shidduch experiences.

   I sat by the phone practically in tears. I can't even remember the excuse you gave me for canceling, but at that point it didn't really matter. Perhaps, if you had found us a replacement, things would not have been so badŠ

   Once a baby-sitter has made the commitment, she should make every effort to follow through. Only an emergency constitutes a good excuse for her to cancel.

   When parents give the baby-sitter an estimated time they are planning to return, the sitter should allow for unexpected delays. However, if the parents realize that the delay will be a more lengthy one, they should call home as soon as possible and advise the sitter of the problem.

   Mr. and Mrs. Hirsch realized that the wedding they were attending would end much later than expected. They immediately ran to the phone to notify the sitter of the delay, but the line was busy. As usual, Chanie was on the phone with one friend or another. Mrs. Hirsch briefly wondered if the children were already in bed, or if the sitter was too busy schmoozing to realize that the children should have been tucked in for the night. For the next forty minutes Mrs. Hirsch kept trying the number. Finally she gave up in despair.

   When the Hirsch's returned home, Chanie was still on the phone. The children informed their parents the following morning that Chanie always puts them to bed immediately and then calls one friend after another. Mrs. Hirsch was shocked to hear this and hesitated to call Chanie againŠ

   While some parents prefer voice-mail messages or the answering machine, most baby-sitters are instructed to answer phone calls and take messages. Parents do not mind the sitter making an occasional call. Under no circumstances, however, should a sitter tie up the phone lines indefinitely. With "call-waiting" being so popular these days, the sitter might feel she is not missing any important message. Perhaps the message she is missing, however, is that the children are waiting. While they are eagerly waiting for their parents to return home, what could be more enjoyable than a good Torah bedtime story? Or, perhaps, a little help with saying Sh'ma. Isn't that what baby-sitting the frum way is really all about?

   Finding the perfect baby-sitter can be compared to finding a perfect Shidduch. It might take a few tries or even many, but once you find the right match, do everything in your power to stay together for a long, long time.