by Dr. Ruth Benjamin

   Have you ever woken up in the morning feeling not quite yourself? As the day wears on, you realize that everything is bothering you—things that you would not normally notice suddenly seem so significant. You find yourself ruminating over what people say or what you imagine they may be thinking. You feel especially vulnerable and sensitive.

   Perhaps we notice this with a member of our family, a friend or colleague. They are particularly sensitive that day; especially jumpy, irritated and vulnerable. This is hypersensitivity.

   All of us are sensitive. At times, to a greater or lesser extent, we are hypersensitive. If we have been physically ill, exhausted, overworked, or in difficult financial circumstances, our hypersensitivity can border on paranoia. Sometimes we experience hypersensitivity for just a few moments, before we manage to brush off the painful feelings and return to our normal equilibrium. Sometimes we don’t.

   What makes a person hypersensitive?

   Physical, financial and other kinds of stress can increase our vulnerability to such a painful degree that we ourselves do not understand what is happening to us, or why we are reacting in this way. It becomes all the more confusing because other people don’t seem to be aware of what we are feeling, and we are quite sure that if they did, they would most likely think ill of us.

As Dr. Abraham J. Twerski once explained: A person suffering from a bad case of sunburn might get into an elevator and feel intense pain every time someone accidentally brushes past him. Normally he would not notice it, but the sunburn makes his skin excruciatingly painful to the touch. The person who brushes past him has no idea that he has caused so much pain, or, in fact, any pain whatsoever. He therefore does not pay attention to how he goes past the sunburned man, nor does he apologize for having hurt him. This person is not callous and insensitive. He simply does not know or even imagine that he has caused the person pain. When we find ourselves feeling this way (and let me emphasize that even the strongest of us feels this way at one time or other), it is important first to admit it to ourselves.

   Most of the time, the feeling of hypersensitivity starts right at the beginning of the day, when we wake up feeling anxious about things that did not bother us at all the previous week. We find ourselves interpreting, reinterpreting and misinterpreting these things, until we wind up mired in resentful, miserable and wounded feelings.

   As soon as we become aware of this and admit it, we have to look at the negative thoughts and say to ourselves:
"For whatever reason, I am feeling vulnerable today. Therefore it is possible that I am going to be hurt by even the slightest negative remark (even though it is innocuous to me on other days)."
"I am going to misinterpret people’s actions."
"I am going to see things in a more negative way."
"I am going to get hurt, offended, upset and devastated, sometimes over absolutely nothing."

   Having acknowledged all this, one should say:
"This being one of my vulnerable days, I must:
"Realize that I will misinterpret things."
"Realize that I will become easily hurt."
"Acknowledge that I will be devastated by the slightest negative thing or setback."

   And then reinterpret.

   For instance, if you are recovering from a severe bout of the flu (another breeding ground for hypersensitivity), you might find it exhausting to climb a flight of eight stairs. Normally you can run up 28 stairs without even noticing it, but because of the flu, by the time you reach the first landing, you are totally exhausted.

   You know immediately that this is because you have been ill. You know that your strength will soon return and that you don’t have to perceive eight stairs as an impossible obstacle. You are able to see things differently, no matter what you actually feel at that moment.

   In the same way, once you acknowledge that this is a vulnerable day, it is important to tell yourself: "I will get hurt, but it is my bias, my vulnerability that is getting me hurt. If I would feel better within myself, I would be able to see things very differently."

   Each time we feel a negative mind-set taking over, such as:
"This person deliberately said this";
"He especially wanted to hurt me";
"My friend is cool towards me";
"My boss thinks nothing of me": it is important to say, "I am vulnerable today. I will think about it tomorrow, and see if it still hurts." Most of the time, it doesn’t.

   Because everyone is vulnerable at one time or another, we all understand hypersensitivity in ourselves. But we rarely think that it is a common human experience. We are convinced others would not understand. After all, we all give the impression of being able to handle everything, of being "cool" and in control.

   It is often very helpful to confide in the person closest to us either at home or at work that we are having a vulnerable day. You will be surprised at the way he or she will accept it and be sympathetic and understanding.

   Is there anything we can do about our hypersensitivity? Yes, there most definitely is. We don’t have to remain in this state in its full intensity once we have acknowledged it. The very awareness of it brings a certain relief, similar to awaking from sleep with an intense relief that our nightmare was only a dream.

   If the upset and the hurt are still there when we are feeling better about ourselves, then it is important to confront the person who has upset us about the situation.

   When we can’t seem to get over something someone has said to us, it is important to ask him or her, "Did you mean to hurt me when you said this?" or, "Are you sure you meant what I was hearing?" With all this, it is still important to acknowledge to oneself that one had been, at the time, in a negative, misinterpretive state.

   If our vulnerability persists, we have to look at our life style. We should see where we are exhausting ourselves: not taking care to eat properly or sleep the required number of hours, or overworking ourselves unnecessarily. Then we must do all we can to change it.

   If it goes on for more than two weeks with no relief, it is time to see a doctor. It might be anything from burnout or depression to ill health, hormonal problems, or even a vitamin deficiency.

   I am not here writing about the person who is "permanently" hypersensitive and vulnerable. That person would have to go to counseling or psychotherapy, usually with excellent results.

   One good thing about hypersensitivity is that it can make us sensitive to others. Our own painful experiences often make us more effective in understanding those we live with and meet every day.

Dr. Ruth Benjamin is a senior clinical psychologist at Johannesburg Hospital in South Africa, and is a lecturer at the University of the Witwaterstrand Medical School.