"Yocheved," Shifra Weiner* said, addressing the total stranger before her, "you have been open with me, and I would like to be the same with you. Let me ask you a somewhat personal question. Are you and your husband happy with each other?"
(*All names of people and places have been changed to protect anonymity.)
This question would be forward enough if one were speaking to a close friend; yet Shifra Weiner asks it all the time of women she has just met. With Yocheved, the resonance of those words would echo for years.
Shifra is well-educated, personable, and articulate. She works as a receptionist for a small publishing company in her hometown of Zichron Yaakov, in northern Israel. But in the truest tradition of attending to tzorchei tzibbur, the needs of the general community, Shifra has a pet project. In addition to her job and family responsibilities, Shifra volunteers for an organization dedicated to teaching the beauty of the laws of taharat hamishpachah to those who are "not yet observant," as she likes to put it. (These laws, a staple of Judaism, mandate a separation of husband and wife during her period, and her immersion in a mikvah, or ritualarium, before the couple resumes marital relations.)
So once or twice a week Shifra travels to rural areas in the north to meet with women who are "not yet observant." She goes from door to door, like a traveling salesperson, speaking with anyone who will take the time to listen. Doors are sometimes slammed in her face; she is used to that. But if only one door is opened, she feels that her trip has been successful.
And so it was that a few years ago Shifra visited the small farming village of Moshav Pinchas. It was early in the summer, and the midday sun was strong when the Egged bus dropped Shifra off at the entrance to this rural farming settlement.
All of the men were out working in the fields as she walked up the dusty road into the residential area of the village. Shifra had never been to Moshav Pinchas, but she had been forewarned that none of the residents was religiously observant. Consequently she expected considerable resistance. Shifra knocked first at the modest one-story home of Alex and Yocheved Katz. When Yocheved opened the door, Shifra introduced herself and explained the purpose of her visit. Much to the visitor's surprise, Yocheved invited her inside immediately and offered her a cold drink.
Once they were seated in the Katz living room, Shifra came to the point. "Would you be at all interested in learning about the Jewish laws of family purity? I would be more than happy to introduce you to this beautiful and vital Jewish tradition."
Yocheved was quite direct in her reply. "Why should I want to learn about taharat hamishpachah? My husband and I are not at all religious. I don't see the point."
Yocheved was taken aback by Shifra's question, not because it was so direct, but because it had hit home. She fidgeted with one of the small pillows on the couch and then looked across the coffee table at her guest. "To tell you the truth, Shifra, my husband and I have both felt lately that our relationship is lacking something. We still love each other, of course. But the enthusiasm we felt for one another when we were first married is missing."
Yocheved sighed and added, "Of course, I suppose this happens to all couples eventually, doesn't it?"
"No, not at all," replied Shifra, sensing the opening. "Although it does happen to many couples, it doesn't have to. And one of the main safeguards to prevent boredom from setting in is to observe the laws of family purity." Yocheved was skeptical, but she was intrigued enough to listen further. And Shifra was more than eager to explain the basics. After Yocheved was given a brief introduction to the laws of taharat hamishpachah, she raised her first objection. "There's no mikvah in Moshav Pinchas, and it would be impossible for my husband and me to observe these laws even if we wanted to." "I know there's no mikvah here, Yocheved," countered Shifra. "But there is one right down the road, in Moshav Yitzchak."
"Moshav Yitzchak? I've never been down there," Yocheved said, squirming uncomfortably in her chair. It's a religious settlement."
"That wouldn't be a problem," Shifra coaxed. "If you wish, I'd be glad to go with you once just to see it."
"I don't know," Yocheved replied uneasily. "Even if I wanted to keep these laws, I doubt that my husband would be willing to go along with me."
Shifra laughed out loud from familiarity. "How many times have I heard that concern! Believe me, Yocheved, if you commit yourself to keeping taharat hamishpachah, your husband will not try to stop you. Trust me. And it will improve your marriage."
Yocheved was still not convinced, but she was impressed with the strength of Shifra's convictions. She agreed to read literature concerning taharat hamishpachah and to meet with Shifra again the following week.
After Shifra's second visit to the Katz home, Yocheved agreed to attend a family purity class for women, to be held at Moshav Yitzchak. Surrounded by so many other women from non-religious backgrounds who had accepted upon themselves the observance of taharat hamishpachah, Yocheved felt encouraged to do likewise.
As Shifra had predicted, Alex was much more cooperative than Yocheved had anticipated. Furthermore, again as Shifra had predicted, Alex and Yocheved experienced a rekindling of the original spark in their relationship.
Over the years, Alex and Yocheved Katz slowly grew in their commitment to a Torah way of life. The central beam supporting their spiritual renaissance remained the observance of taharat hamishpachah. Yocheved did not keep in close contact with Shifra, but she did keep in touch with some of the religious women she had met in Moshav Yitzchak.
One day Yocheved needed to ask a halachic question regarding taharat hamishpachah. In the past, she had consulted Yehoshua Ziskin, Rabbi of Moshav Yitzchak, concerning any questions about the family purity laws. However, he was away on a trip, and Yocheved realized she would have to travel much further and consult with a rabbi she had never met.
Yocheved hesitated. She did not feel comfortable meeting with a strange rabbi, regardless of his reputation for erudition and sensitivity. She also wasn't certain that she needed to be so concerned about her question in the first place. When she discussed the matter with Alex, he left it up to her. After considerable inner struggle, Yocheved decided that she would go and meet with Rabbi Meshulam Rappaport.
When she arrived at his home, Rabbi Rappaport put her at ease immediately. Recognizing the sensitivity among women to taharat hamishpachah consultations, he always strove to relax those who came to him with questions. Pretty soon Yocheved was glad she had come. She presented her question, and he examined the matter carefully and with the utmost gentleness. Finally he gave her the halachic ruling for which she had been silently hoping.
As she got up to leave, Rabbi Rappaport stopped her. "Mrs. Katz, I'm glad I was able to help you with your question. But judging from the problem you presented, it seems to me that you may also have a medical problem, for which you need to see a doctor."
"I feel fine," Yocheved protested, surprised.
"Nevertheless, I think this is something you should not ignore. I would recommend that you see Dr. Shimon Jacobs, the head of the OB/GYN department at a hospital in Jerusalem. Here is his phone number."
Yocheved had not expected a medical referral for a condition she didn't even know she had! But her respect for Rabbi Rappaport convinced her to heed his recommendation.
Yocheved was both relieved and frightened at the same time. She was speechless as she waited for Dr. Jacobs to continue.
"Your condition is serious, but since it has been diagnosed early, I assure you that it can be successfully treated. Because we caught this in time, you will be all right. But I must ask you, what made you come for an examination if you were not experiencing any symptoms?"
Yocheved was still reeling from the good news and bad news. All she could do was whisper her reply to Dr. Jacobs. "A rabbi sent me. After I brought a question to him, he sent me to you."
Dr. Jacobs smiled. "You are indeed a very fortunate woman, Mrs. Katz."
As Dr. Jacobs predicted, Yocheved was successfully treated for her medical problem. Her follow-up examinations and laboratory tests one year later showed that she remained in excellent health.
At the conclusion of Yocheved's one-year checkup, Dr. Jacobs dropped his professional demeanor and leaned across his desk. "Mrs. Katz," he said, "there is something I must ask you. Would you be willing to tell me the name of the rabbi who referred you? I would like very much to meet him."
Shortly thereafter Dr. Jacobs found himself sitting in Rabbi Rappaport's small study, eyeing the floor-to-ceiling bookshelves brimming with religious texts. He had thought only doctors had a sea of literature this deep!
Dr. Jacobs was not accustomed to visiting rabbis, and Rabbi Rappaport sensed his guest's discomfort. He greeted the physician with special warmth and encouraged him to talk. Dr. Jacobs told Rabbi Rappaport about the case of Yocheved Katz and then asked if he remembered his meeting with her over one year earlier.
Rabbi Rappaport thought for a moment and then told Dr. Jacobs that he did indeed recall the encounter.
The doctor leaned forward. "Please tell me, Rabbi, how you knew that this woman's health was in question. Laboratory tests established that her condition was in the very earliest stages. And she was not experiencing any symptoms whatsoever."
Rabbi Rappaport leaned back and swept his arm around the room, a sweep that encompassed all of the holy books. "The small print here held the information I needed. Please don't give me any of the credit. Baruch Hashem, the woman is well."
Shifra Weiner doesn't always find out the end of the many success stories she begins. Not all of the dozens of couples she has convinced to observe taharat hamishpachah keep in touch with her. Yocheved Katz, however, did call one day to tell Shifra about the miraculous detection of her medical condition.
"A little over a year ago," Yocheved said, "I happened to have a question . . . no, Shifra, I shouldn't say I happened to have a question. I should say that because of hashgachah pratit, G-d's providence, I had a question I thought was a halachic issue. At first I wasn't even going to ask. But I decided that if I am truly observing taharat hamishpachah, I want to do what's right. You taught me that, Shifra.
"I went to Rabbi Rappaport, who not only answered my question but also saved my life! He realized somehow that I needed medical treatment, and he even gave me the name of a top specialist. The doctor was so impressed that he went to meet Rabbi Rappaport in person.
"Through all of this, Hashem showed me how much our lives are in His hands. Hashgachah pratit not only led me to Rabbi Rappaport. It was also hashgachah pratit that led you to our door, Shifra. Like it says in the Shemoneh Esreh prayer, which I have recently learned: ‘We thank You, and we shall speak Your praises, for our lives which are given over into Your hands . . . and for Your miracles, which are with us each day.' "
Eliyahu Mayer is a New York-based writer whose articles have appeared in The Jewish Observer and other Jewish journals. He heard this true story from Rabbi Dovid Gottlieb of Yeshiva Ohr Somayach in Jerusalem.